What happens if a basketball ref grabs a player?

we were playing our school basketball game for a middle school and a player fouled so she walked across the court with a mad look on her face and her hands on her head. the ref grabed her made her stop and started to talk to her. he obviously said something bad because he made her cry. she is a tough girl to. she was walking again and he grabed her again. the Zane coach got mad. So did my coach. HE said to the ref you can not touch my players at all. coach is freaking out on this guy so he techs him. then coach said are you serious and the ref teched him again. so coach is walking out the door the hole gym booing the ref. SO i was wonding... Can the ref grab a 12yr old player like that?