To the writers, help, any comments?? ?

I like the idea and you've managed to convey a reasonable amount of emotion into the story - though I feel this could be intensified. A lot of your sentences seemed to go on far too long and I feel they would have more effect being shorter and therefore sharper. Research how people drown - it is almost impossible to drown yourself unless you are unconscious because the body will automatically buoy you up to the surface and force you to take air (try it in a swimming pool and you'll see what I mean). Keep perservering and good luck.